"Name a feature that you would like to see implemented into your console of choice"

For the XBox 360, I would have a d-bag detector installed. It would detect if a player in an online game is wearing Axe Body Spray, measure the height of hair to ensure it's not gelled into douche-spikes, detect the keypoints of facial muscles to ensure that a douche-pout is not being made, and sense whether any music is being played in the background. If all of these criteria are met, a jet of pepper spray would be emitted directly into the player's eyes and the disc tray would melt shut.

Dead Space

I know I'm about 2-3 years late on playing this game, but it took that long to convince myself to take up this survival horror.
The famed "Planet Cracker" USG Ishimura has been incommunicado after sending out a distress signal. That's where Isaac Clarke enters the picture, having an interest in not beginning repairs, but also in saving his girlfriend Nicole from the large and seemingly dead ship. However, things aren't as dead as they appear to be.
The good: Firstly, the scare factor. This being my first horror game, it scared the pants off of me a lot of times. It wasn't only the necromorphs pretending to be dead or babies jumping off ceilings to stab you in the neck. The game got into my head and played on my fears through little atmospheric sounds: a crew member you meet banging his head against a metal pipe, or the constant, small whispers of "Isaac" that can be heard throughout the ship. The use of ammo also left me feeling truly alone, as killing enemies has to be done precisely and effectively. No bullet spraying here!
Secondly, the graphics. Despite the age of the game, the graphics don't seem to be dated at all, and move quite fluidly.
Thirdly, the story. I knew from the beginning that things weren't what I expected them to be, but holy plot twists. What you thought was the cause of all your problems ends up being what was preventing everything to begin with.
Fourthly, the slight RPG-style system. One can buy power nodes to modify one's suit, weapons and modules to take out enemies a lot faster.
The not-so-bad: the controls. I was never a big fan of 3rd person shooters, as it places the camera too close to the back of the person's head and leaves less than the full screen for shooting at targets.
The vast array of weapons. There's really no reason to buy anything else besides the plasma cutter, as a meager inventory only allows for an insufficient amount of ammo to be carried for each weapon, not to mention air tanks and med packs. If you play your cards right, selling most of the ammo you find will generate enough money to keep your suit and cutter well modified.
The characters. I felt like Hammond's and Daniels' bitch, running around doing everything they asked me to do. At least with Bioshock, there was a plot point to doing it, but with this, it just felt like the NPCs had nothing else better to do than sit in their little confined safe room, ordering me around the ship.
All in all, a great game that I could play over and over again.

Will OnLive kill consoles?

The console wars might be over a lot sooner than we think. OnLive is a gaming service, going live on June 17, that allows for a PC or Mac user or anyone with just a regular television to play just about any game through the use of a broadband connection. All that is required is a month-to-month fee of $14.95 and the purchase/rental price of each game. The OnLive system would allow for cross-platform playing with your friends, regardless if they're PC or Mac users. If you wish to play on your television, one would have to purchase the MicroConsole TV Adapter and some cables. One doesn't even need a really great high-end laptop with an expensive graphics card to play even the most heavy graphic game. Still not sure OnLive would work? The website states that "As part of the registration process for OnLive, you will be sent a performance test to run to see if your computer and network configuration are sufficient to run OnLive".
This is probably one of the greatest ideas I've ever heard of other than Steam. It gets rid of the need to have specific hardware to play certain games. There would no longer be any console-specific games and the idea of trading in to stores like GameStop would become a memory (and the money would stay in the hands of people who worked so damn hard for it).
It's probably not something I would sign up for, as I prefer having a hard copy of the game gracing my shelves in my collection, but it's certainly a step forward in the right direction of using the great technology that's already developed and getting gamers closer together without the need of buying an entirely different console.

Dante's Inferno Demo

When I had first heard that a game was being made graced with the name of the epic poem written by Alighieri, I thought game production companies had finally run out of original ideas. It was when I heard about the marketing ploys they pulled at cons that I thought that the companies' leaders had completely lost their mind. Now, all I feel is a little bored with the whole thing.
The good: the high frame rate allows for smooth movement and a certain amount of "pretty" in an otherwise disgustingly gory game. 3D cinematics are well done visually and aurally, especially with the voice work. I could see blood and sweat in Dante's pores, which was a nice contrast to the soft feel of Beatrice (naked boob aside).
Another thing I liked is the option to condemn your enemies or send them up to heaven, but seemed less of a moral choice and more of "which button do I feel like pressing?"
The bad: most everything else. It's a button-smasher (my least favourite genre), so the learning curve remains at a constant: smash this button to swing your large scythe, or smash this button to kill everything with laser crosses.
The 2D cinematics looked like something that would be on MTV from the 80s or, as a good friend of mine put it, doodles from a metal-head teenager's book margins. It looked like it came from an artist that was just beginning in the field and really had no idea what he was doing.
Camera centring is extremely annoying and tedious to work around, especially when fighting Death. The inability to move the camera led to difficulty in depth-perception, and forced me to randomly flail around and button-smash to get the job done.
Neat idea, but poorly executed.

"What's your favorite boss battle from any game?"

(question stolen from InsideGaming twitter)
There are plenty of boss fights that are memorable to me, from Dark Dragon in Shining Force 1 to Mr. X from Streets of Rage 2 to Frank Fontaine in Bioshock. All of them had something different about them that I enjoyed.
However, I'm left to choose only one, and that would have to be GLaDOS from Portal. I started the game loving the cheerful little voice that came on in the room of each test chamber, helping to guide me through each puzzle and lead me closer to the prize of cake. However, each success led to increasingly dissuading remarks coming from my supposed helper. GLaDOS began to care less and less about my success, becoming bitingly apathetic towards my well-being as she led me into a firey pit. Someone who I once trusted has now become the thing I must destroy to get out of this terrible place.
Similiar occurrences happen in Halo 3 (with Cortana-Gravemind) and Bioshock (Frank Fontaine/Atlas), yet they never seemed to drive home as hard as GLaDOS did. There's no option to destroy Cortana herself (although she's right on the edge of Rampancy anyway), and Atlas/Fontaine gives himself away instead of denying it all or calling it Ryan's ploy to cloud the eyes of the player.
Or maybe it's simply because of GLaDOS' childlike voice that gets me.

Kaleidoscope

Kaleidoscope: 240 points

Enter the world of Kaleidoscope, a once richly colourful world that has fallen into disaster, stripped of all colour that once made it beautiful. You play as Tint, one of the residents that has chosen to remain the planet and help the wise men return colour to your home.
The game is simplistically beautiful, being a 2D side-scroller, and only gets more lovely with each colour orb little Tint finds spread throughout the game. Special powers are blessed with 3 colour orbs in the upper left: blue, yellow and red, which correspond with the X, Y and B buttons on the controller. Blue grants you the ability to run faster and push boulders into golems more quickly. Yellow allows you to float for a period of time to get to previously unobtainable ledges. Red forms a red bubble around Tint, giving him protection from certain projectiles. The A button is left simply for jumping and double-jumping.
The background music is quite simple, but soothing and not overbearing to the gameplay. Nothing great, but it's really not too bad.
I've always had a penchant for indie games, as they usually stray from the normal and show just how creative and beautiful games can really be.

The Misadventures of Mr Winterbottom

The Misadventures of P.B. Winterbottom: 800 points.

You control Mr. P.B. Winterbottom on his adventures to obtain the Chronoberry Pie, travelling through time and space to do so. Plenty of addictive puzzles to keep one entertained, the overall theme is a tribute to silent black and white movies, even with added film grain.
Visually, Winterbottom is simple yet still appealing to the eyes. Layered 2-D graphics give it an almost 3-D effect, but isn't distracting in any sense. The design of Mr Winterbottom is a bit on the small side, yet comical in the way his seemingly stickly limbs, compared to the size of his giant head, flail around with jumps and waving with his umbrella.
The music itself is quite catching, also reminiscent of the silent-movie era, with a dark-slightly-cheerful feel to it.
Controls are extremely easy: Left stick to move, A to jump, A again to float, and X to swing your umbrella. The game allows you to make clones that aid in getting all the delectable pies on each level, which is done by holding the right trigger and moving around. You also have the choice of hitting your clones towards the pies. How you clear each puzzle is really up to you.
Sadly, I've seen the "make the clones to solve the puzzle" type thing before at Kongregate.com: The Company of Myself. After playing this simple flash game, I was intrigued by the complexity of making such a game in Flash, and hoped someone would see this game and be inspired to make something similiar for the XBox. Seems my hopes came true.

Bayonetta Interview from GI

So despite my raving about Bayonetta and its sexist ways, I tried out the demo to see if my bias was correct or not.
Bayonetta is a witch whose outfit is composed entirely of her hair, and shapeshifts it into magical attacks. From the short opening flashbacks, Bayonetta has seemingly woken up after a long period of time after some important events occurred, of which she no longer has memory of.
I have to admit, it's not as sexualized as I thought, but that's because I couldn't see a darn thing on the screen from all the flashiness and brilliant colours going on. Most of Bayonetta's attacks seem to fill the screen entirely, obscuring what's really happening. They're quite impressive to watch, but there's so many elements onscreen that it's hard to focus on anything, even the enemies, as they get lost behind the "pretty". Environments are beautifully done from what I've seen so far (and I say "so far" because I really don't plan on buying a button-smasher).
Game Informer happened to come in the mail right after I tried out the demo, and one article was an interview with Kamiya, the director of Bayonetta. I skimmed through it (as I have a dislike for that magazine) and had to roll my eyes at the fact that Kamiya tries to "play off" the sexist nature of the game by saying Bayonetta was designed by a woman. For someone from a country that openly allows the groping of women on their public trains and treats them terribly, does he really think that justifies it? I really don't think the designer really had any say in the matter BECAUSE she's a woman and had to do what her male superiors told her to. NO artistic freedom there. But, of course, to those unaware of the culture, they'll read this Kamiya interview and say "oh, of course it's not demeaning towards women, a woman designed her!" to which I will shake my head and walk away.

A lot of my posts are now gone, for the main reason that the purpose of this blog got out of hand and seemed to gear towards whatever is in my head rather than thoughts on my favourite hobby: gaming. Reviews have been deleted because they seemed...spastic and not well thought out. I apologize if there were posts that people enjoyed, but I hope this purging will put me back on the right step and get me going in the direction I want to be going again.
(I don't usually like pink, but this theme seems to work somewhat)

A sign of bad journalism?

The new installation of AIM always opens up a news tab in my Firefox of what's on in the day, and also includes videogame news. Upon finding this, I felt my urge to kill rising. It's understood that games, over time, will lose their flavour and everyone will move on to what's the newest thing. However, the reasons mentioned as to why Halo will fail are just..ugh. It's convincing me that this reviewer has never played HALF of the games he mentions.

1. Halo's not the only must-play first-person shooter. While Halo 3 sits in the top five most played Xbox 360 games (around the number two or three spot), two of Activision's Call of Duty games, World At War and Modern Warfare, are immensely popular. For that matter, so are Gears of War 2 and Left 4 Dead, which offer new multiplayer modes, better AI and better graphics.
Yes, yes. I've read it time and time again how much better CoD is than Halo. However, that is not the reason why Halo will fail. CoD is known for it's war games (which, frankly, bore the ever-living shit out of me), high FPS rate and lack of dropped games. But it looks boring. I don't want games that look like real war because if I wanted to, I could go do that myself. It's the same reason why I will never buy a sports game: why use a controller when you can just go outside and do it yourself?! Videogames are my escape from reality, and I want it to be as separate from reality as possible. I want STORIES, not accuracy.
It's obvious this person has never played GoW2 or L4D by himself, or he would realize how glitchy the AI is. Many a times have a cursed a streak over Bill being the dumbass and getting himself killed over and over again on the rescue missions. But I just tell myself he's old and senile, so he doesn't really know what he's doing. Nor shall I mention how stupid it is for Locust to "take turns" on you in Horde mode, instead of bumrushing you all at once or actually using any strategy whatsoever.
2. Halo for the Nintendo DS: It sounded like a dream come true. Players could take Halo wherever they wanted, battling against others through the Wi-Fi Connection and experiencing insane gun battles. Along the way, however, Microsoft inexplicably pulled the plug, even though the game was near completion, according to a report from IGN. Perhaps the big M thought Nintendo would have too much to gain.
Has this person not heard of the current economic crisis? Does he even know that Microsuck is buying out Ensemble for the same reasons? Why invest a lot of money into a system that they're taking a risk on? I myself never thought that a shooter would work well on the DS, since I don't tihnk I could aim as accurately with just a stylus. The DS is also aimed at a MUCH younger audience that the 360 is. So yes, kids, you can play that game too that you really shouldn't be playing because of pricks that swear online.
Wait, does the DS even HAVE headphones so that you could talk to teammates? I didn't think so...
3. Bungie and Microsoft went all out for Halo 3's September 2007 release, with not one but three editions to choose from. The ultimate choice was the Legendary Edition, packaged in a facsimile of Master Chief's helmet. Unfortunately, many copies still dwell on store shelves 18 months later. Nowadays, the Legendary Edition, once retailing for $130, can be picked up for a meager $40. If you already own the game, you can buy the helmet for $10 or less.
Wait, what? I've only seen the regular copies of Halo 3 selling for $40. I have not seen any copies of the LE in stores at all. Amazon itself is selling it for $120, and only individual users are selling it for as low as $40. But in stores, no, it is not selling for that low. You, Robert Workman, are an ass who doesn't do research.
4. The development team that got Halo off the ground, Bungie, won't be with the franchise much longer. After a falling out with Microsoft following the release of Halo 3, the company announced it was moving on at the end of the year once it wraps up Halo 3: ODST, a Master Chief-less prequel of the mega-successful first-person shooter that lets players fight as an Orbital Drop Shock Trooper during the events that lead up to Halo 3.
Yeah, and? I am one who enjoys game companies doing something new and different, creating new stories and characters to love (this is the reason for my avid hatred for Nintendo). So what if they don't do another Halo? How do you think people felt after Bungie did the last Marathon game?
Also, I'm pretty sure ODST takes place during the events of Halo 2, after part of New Mombasa gets taken out. Technically, that is "during the events that lead up to Halo 3", but apparently this guy has never played 2 either, so probably doesn't even know anything existed before 3.
5. When Microsoft announced that it wanted a Halo film in 2005, people got excited. Then fans found out that The Lord of the Rings director Peter Jackson became attached to the project and everything went nuts. However, it turns out he wasn't directing it. Instead, first-time director Neill Blomkamp singed up for duty. After a pair of brief promo clips that aired around the time of Halo 3's release, interest in the movie waned and studios lost interest due to high budget and an in-the-works script. It may never see the light of day. Too bad the same couldn't be said for the new Street Fighter flick.
Yes, I jumped in excitement when I thought Peter Jackson was involved in the Halo movie too. However, it is WETA, who did all of the props, makeup and CG in LotR, that made all of the weapons and a working warthog in the video promos and the museum commercials.WETA is OWNED by Peter Jackson, which is something that's easily revealed through a Google search. So Jackson would have been involved in it somehow, but not directly. As for interest waning, things started going down hill at that time economy-wise. Nothing to do with Bungie or Microsoft's fault.
6. Although ODST looks cool, we have to face the facts. Number one, Master Chief, the lead character from the first three Halo games, won't star in it. Number two, although it will feature a whole new side story where your character seeks out teammates in a bombed out New Mombasa and various multiplayer options like 24 new maps, it won't be an entirely new game. Sure, it'll be fun, but it's going to end way too quickly.
As I have mentioned before, I like new characters; what I like even more are the unnamed characters that work in the background and don't get all the glory for the hard work they do. The ODSTs are the specially trained marines who have to deal with problems that ordinary soldiers do not face. They were there from the beginning, from BEFORE Halo, and involved in the training of the Spartans. Plus, they are called to face things that even Master Chief himself found difficult, but all without genetic engineering and 2-ton space suits with shields. That, my friend, takes a whole lot of balls.
7. You know a game has run into trouble when you've got an enemy in your sights, you pull the trigger and miss. Complaints ran rampant through the Halo community over at Bungie.net when users learned about the inefficiency of the battle rifle, as bullet trajectories curved and missed their targets. Honestly, if you can't count on your firepower, we're not sure what you can count on. Just check around Bungie's forums and you're bound to see the complaints.
Honestly, is this guy too much of an idiot to know what lag is? Yes, it's on the forums over and over. "Weennnhh lag lag lag ruined my K/D ratio! Why does CoD not have this problem WENH?" Deal with it. Buy a freaking better modem!
8. When someone says "Let's play some Halo," they don't point at Halo Wars and suggest a real-time strategy battle. They want to shoot someone's face off with a Needler. As great as Halo Wars is (just read our review), it's not exactly what the Halo community had in mind for the series' next big step. (On the other hand, at least we didn't get a lame Warthog racing game.)
After reading this whole thing, I don't WANT to read your review.
Diversity! It is essential to maintaining your current audience while grabbing the attentions of those who like strategy games with an already existing story. This is not the same with Nintendo, where it's new characters in different places with different powers. Halo Wars is an entirely new story, with just a different means of telling it. Consider it similar to an audiobook extension of an already existing book.
Hey, I would have...somewhat...liked a Warthog racing game. Many a time I've simply found myself racing around Rat's Nest on a mongoose out of sheer boredom (and when I know I'm never going to catch up in score). But if Mario can do it, why not Master Chief? Think of it, dropping stickies and trip mines behind your vehicles to serve as proverbial banana peels.
9. As happy as we are with all of the downloadable Halo 3 maps (including the upcoming Mythic Pack, which currently doesn't have a release date), we're a little saddened that the offerings are so rare. There's the Cold Storage Pack, the Legendary Map Pack, the Heroic Map Pack and a few promo videos. In a year and a half, that's all we received. All of these maps are excellent (especially for die-hard Halo fans), but for an incredibly popular franchise, we expected more, like downloadable characters, all new missions and other Halo-related goodies.
I'd like to see this guy design a map of his very own, with respawning weapons and interactice environment. Go on, do it! Does no one understand how long programming these things take? As for downloadable characters and new armour, no. I'm absolutely SICK of hearing complaints about it. You'd think 15 new armour (with upon hundreds, if not thousands, of combinations) to choose from would keep people satisfied, when such an option was never available before in 1 and 2. Be happy with what you have, and stop complaining about it.
10. Halo 3's sweet, but its inconclusive ending left a lot to be desired. (Spoiler: Cortana and Master Chief are literally left hanging on the other side of the universe.) Maybe one day, with Halo 3: ODST or a future Director's Cut, we'll finally know what fate awaits Master Chief and his virtual cohort. For now, we can only wonder.
No, YOU can only wonder because you only play games inside that tiny little box of yours with no room for flexibility. Play Marathon, you jackass. It's meant to be bittersweet because no other ending would have sufficed (except for Master Chief ACTUALLY being dead). I like how he leaves "SPOILER" in the middle of the fucking paragraph. Note: if you have a spoiler, put it at the end of your post. That way, you'll keep readers happy.